ATMI Program

by Mandie Krysinski and Chris Frenier

Narrator: Last time on “Thank You Mr. Postman.” We left our audacious agent, Detective Rodney McFearson just inches from annihilating the one they call “The Leader.” Meanwhile, the luscious Miss Claire was being held captive by a troop of terrifying Girl Scout ninjas. All the while the fate of humanity hangs in the balance on this giant bakers scale of doom. For this recipe of suspense, preheat oven to 350, and bake for eight action-packed minutes

McFearson: So here we sit, two titans of epic proportions. You, with the potential to destroy the universe with your cleverly counterfeited cookies and me, a legend of investigative ingenuity. But Leader, it appears that I have the upper hand in this clash. (Hey Clash of the Titans, aired in 1981, directed by Desmond Davis…)

Leader: Oh, that was a good one…

McFearson: I've got to remember that next time Miss Claire and I play Scene It. Anyway, I've cracked you maniacal plot, and now I must decide what to do with you.

Leader: Please detective, I promise I will end my scheming ways and devote my life to the service of these girls, independent bakeries and stiletto advocacy.

McFearson: You disgust me.

Sound Effect: Slap to the face

McFearson: You could never give up your dreams of world domination. Your quest for control of the most American door-to-door sale item will not cease until you can claim the world Samoa market as your own. If I don't kill you now, I would be subjecting the world to an eternity of low quality imitations sold by adorable little girls.

Leader: But don't you see, the cookies, they are not that bad. In fact, I think they are better than the official ones. And they have 65 percent less transfat than your traditional cookie. Here try this, I call it a Trefile.

Sound Effect: Crunching, swallow

McFearson: Sweet tantalization of the taste buds! That was the most delicious piece of heaven I have ever tasted, not counting Miss Claire's cooking.

Miss Claire (far off): Ummm detective…could you uh, hurry up. The Ninjas are forcing me to…(shutter)…cook without stainless steel cookware or revolutionary Teflon technology.

McFearson: I'll be right there Miss Claire…the big boys have to take care of some business, you go off and play with your little ninja friends.

Miss Claire: Umm Detective…

McFearson: Please…I can't work with your insecent babbling. Can't you just put your issues aside for ten minutes and think of MY problems for once.

Leader: Detective, when I hear you speak to your assistant like that, all that I can think is…you and me were meant for each other…

McFearson: What (chuckles), all that I see in your eyes is…the…the…epitome of female beauty, and all I know is that…

Music: Total Eclipse of the Heart: sing along

Sound Effect: Boxes falling, scream, stabbing sound.

Narrator: At this point, Detective McFearson tragically became too emotionally enthralled in his heartfelt delivery of Bonnie Tyler's 1982 hit song “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” While in the midst of a sweeping hand gesture, McFearson knocked over a box of the Leaders Trefiles. The box than collided with another crate of the counterfeit product, which fell onto the Detective, forcing his arm into the Leader's heart. Unfortunately, Detective McFearson was still holding the razor sharp Trefoil to his nemesis turned lover's heaving bussem. The cookie cut into the Leader's chest cavity, destroying her vital tissue and organs, killing her instantly

McFearson: Oh, Oh God, what have I done…she she's dead…all my hopes, destroyed…I have nothing to live for…What, my FEARish nostrils have caught the scent of jubilation. Is that…Filet Mignon.

Sound Effect: Sniff, sound of pots and pans

McFearson: Miss Claire, are you…cooking?

Miss Claire: Well, the Ninjas said they'd release me if I could beat Gertrude in a cook-off. And since I AM an Iron Chef…I figured I could win. Just comer over here and sit on this stool until I'm done.

McFearson: Yes mam.

Sound Effect: Cooking sounds.

Japanese Judge: I pronounce the Winner…MISS CLAIRE

Sound Effect: Applause

Gertrude: NOOOOO…quick girls…we must run…

Ninja: I knew you should have worked harder on you cooking badge…damn you Gertrude.

Gertrude: Im sorry…I'm so sorry…

Ninjas: RUN….

McFearson: Miss Claire, this is the best steak I have ever had!!! I had no idea you were this talented.

Miss Claire: Well, my mother was Russian-Jewish, and my Father was born to a rotund German Baker named Johan Von Frodulbachen, and…

McFearson (narrates): At this Miss Claire placed her delicate hand on my shoulder, and said, “Are you okay, the whole leader thing must have been pretty rough”. I looked into her eyes, which reflected my stunning features like hazel pools of heaven. That's when I knew.

McFearson: All I can say to you is…

Music : Total Eclipse of the Heart. McFearson sings along.

Miss Claire: I…I've been waiting six years for you to say that…

McFearson: Well, its true, I LOVE YOU…

Miss Claire: Oh… detective… I….. I…. I've found someone else….

McFearson: Really? I love you too, I… wait… what? Who?

Postman: Me.

McFearson: Gwaaahahhhh? Postman?!?! But But. You're DEAD!

Postman: Ahahahaha….You only thought I was dead. In reality I just popped an imitation Sionide Samoa. It was meant to deceive to you…you see, I'm an FBI Agent, AGENT McPHearson, with a capitol PH.

McFearson: By the Fire of Prometheus, he's…he's me, but better in every conceivable way.

Miss Claire: Well Yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it…so….I guess I'll just…

McFearson: No, I have to be better, my rugged good looks, they, no they're better than this imposter.

McPhearson: Ha Detective…you see, this is the real sionide Samoa, see, if I really ate it, I'd have gone like…

Sound Effect: Gulp, swallow

McPhearson: Oh…that was not good…um…wait no…

Sound Effect: Exhale, collapse to floor, fade in cheesy love music

McFearson: Well, what do you have to say for yourself Miss Claire…

Miss Claire: Umm, I love you..?

McFearson: Really, I LOVE YOU TOO…lets blow this bakery of bad memories

Miss Claire: OH Detective…

McFearson: SHHH…don't speak…you'll ruin the moment…lets just go back to the office, the couch…needs breaking in.

Miss Claire: Oh…Can I…cook

McFearson: Oh yes…Oh yes…and

Unison: THANK YOU MR POSTMAN.

Sound Effect : Motor roar…cross fade theme music with love music.

Narrator: Well, that concludes our story, another tale of love, intrigue, and cookies. The Leader's counterfeit ring was broken up and the headquarters was bombed by a small group of ACTUAL Girl Scouts. Mrs. Olson and her husband would later make up, and now run a successful marriage counseling business. The Fear Detective Agency is still going strong, and the back has been transformed in Miss Claire's Bakery and Filet Mignon Emporium. For more information on the lives of Detective McFearson and Miss Claire, look for the Special Edition Collectors Disc of Thank You Mr. Postman. This disc will contain special commentaries by the directors, bloopers, an alternate ending., and even a bonus episode…Contact the Alaska Teen Media Institute at www.alaskateenmedia.org to order your copy soon. As for me, I'm just a humble spinner of yarns…until next time…Thank you Mr. Postman.


	by Mandie Krysinski and Chris Frenier Listen to the story! Narrator: Last time on “Thank You Mr. Postman.” We left our audacious agent, Detective Rodney McFearson just inches from annihilating the one they call “The Leader.” Meanwhile, the luscious Miss Claire was being held captive by a troop of terrifying Girl Scout ninjas. All the while the fate of humanity hangs in the balance on this giant bakers scale of doom. For this recipe of suspense, preheat oven to 350, and bake for eight action-packed minutes McFearson: So here we sit, two titans of epic proportions. You, with the potential to destroy the universe with your cleverly counterfeited cookies and me, a legend of investigative ingenuity. But Leader, it appears that I have the upper hand in this clash. (Hey Clash of the Titans, aired in 1981, directed by Desmond Davis…) Leader: Oh, that was a good one… McFearson: I've got to remember that next time Miss Claire and I play Scene It. Anyway, I've cracked you maniacal plot, and now I must decide what to do with you. Leader: Please detective, I promise I will end my scheming ways and devote my life to the service of these girls, independent bakeries and stiletto advocacy. McFearson: You disgust me. Sound Effect: Slap to the face McFearson: You could never give up your dreams of world domination. Your quest for control of the most American door-to-door sale item will not cease until you can claim the world Samoa market as your own. If I don't kill you now, I would be subjecting the world to an eternity of low quality imitations sold by adorable little girls. Leader: But don't you see, the cookies, they are not that bad. In fact, I think they are better than the official ones. And they have 65 percent less transfat than your traditional cookie. Here try this, I call it a Trefile. Sound Effect: Crunching, swallow McFearson: Sweet tantalization of the taste buds! That was the most delicious piece of heaven I have ever tasted, not counting Miss Claire's cooking. Miss Claire (far off): Ummm detective…could you uh, hurry up. The Ninjas are forcing me to…(shutter)…cook without stainless steel cookware or revolutionary Teflon technology. McFearson: I'll be right there Miss Claire…the big boys have to take care of some business, you go off and play with your little ninja friends. Miss Claire: Umm Detective… McFearson: Please…I can't work with your insecent babbling. Can't you just put your issues aside for ten minutes and think of MY problems for once. Leader: Detective, when I hear you speak to your assistant like that, all that I can think is…you and me were meant for each other… McFearson: What (chuckles), all that I see in your eyes is…the…the…epitome of female beauty, and all I know is that… Music: Total Eclipse of the Heart: sing along Sound Effect: Boxes falling, scream, stabbing sound. Narrator: At this point, Detective McFearson tragically became too emotionally enthralled in his heartfelt delivery of Bonnie Tyler's 1982 hit song “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” While in the midst of a sweeping hand gesture, McFearson knocked over a box of the Leaders Trefiles. The box than collided with another crate of the counterfeit product, which fell onto the Detective, forcing his arm into the Leader's heart. Unfortunately, Detective McFearson was still holding the razor sharp Trefoil to his nemesis turned lover's heaving bussem. The cookie cut into the Leader's chest cavity, destroying her vital tissue and organs, killing her instantly McFearson: Oh, Oh God, what have I done…she she's dead…all my hopes, destroyed…I have nothing to live for…What, my FEARish nostrils have caught the scent of jubilation. Is that…Filet Mignon. Sound Effect: Sniff, sound of pots and pans McFearson: Miss Claire, are you…cooking? Miss Claire: Well, the Ninjas said they'd release me if I could beat Gertrude in a cook-off. And since I AM an Iron Chef…I figured I could win. Just comer over here and sit on this stool until I'm done. McFearson: Yes mam. Sound Effect: Cooking sounds. Japanese Judge: I pronounce the Winner…MISS CLAIRE Sound Effect: Applause Gertrude: NOOOOO…quick girls…we must run… Ninja: I knew you should have worked harder on you cooking badge…damn you Gertrude. Gertrude: Im sorry…I'm so sorry… Ninjas: RUN…. McFearson: Miss Claire, this is the best steak I have ever had!!! I had no idea you were this talented. Miss Claire: Well, my mother was Russian-Jewish, and my Father was born to a rotund German Baker named Johan Von Frodulbachen, and… McFearson (narrates): At this Miss Claire placed her delicate hand on my shoulder, and said, “Are you okay, the whole leader thing must have been pretty rough”. I looked into her eyes, which reflected my stunning features like hazel pools of heaven. That's when I knew. McFearson: All I can say to you is… Music : Total Eclipse of the Heart. McFearson sings along. Miss Claire: I…I've been waiting six years for you to say that… McFearson: Well, its true, I LOVE YOU… Miss Claire: Oh… detective… I….. I…. I've found someone else…. McFearson: Really? I love you too, I… wait… what? Who? Postman: Me. McFearson: Gwaaahahhhh? Postman?!?! But But. You're DEAD! Postman: Ahahahaha….You only thought I was dead. In reality I just popped an imitation Sionide Samoa. It was meant to deceive to you…you see, I'm an FBI Agent, AGENT McPHearson, with a capitol PH. McFearson: By the Fire of Prometheus, he's…he's me, but better in every conceivable way. Miss Claire: Well Yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it…so….I guess I'll just… McFearson: No, I have to be better, my rugged good looks, they, no they're better than this imposter. McPhearson: Ha Detective…you see, this is the real sionide Samoa, see, if I really ate it, I'd have gone like… Sound Effect: Gulp, swallow McPhearson: Oh…that was not good…um…wait no… Sound Effect: Exhale, collapse to floor, fade in cheesy love music McFearson: Well, what do you have to say for yourself Miss Claire… Miss Claire: Umm, I love you..? McFearson: Really, I LOVE YOU TOO…lets blow this bakery of bad memories Miss Claire: OH Detective… McFearson: SHHH…don't speak…you'll ruin the moment…lets just go back to the office, the couch…needs breaking in. Miss Claire: Oh…Can I…cook McFearson: Oh yes…Oh yes…and Unison: THANK YOU MR POSTMAN. Sound Effect : Motor roar…cross fade theme music with love music. Narrator: Well, that concludes our story, another tale of love, intrigue, and cookies. The Leader's counterfeit ring was broken up and the headquarters was bombed by a small group of ACTUAL Girl Scouts. Mrs. Olson and her husband would later make up, and now run a successful marriage counseling business. The Fear Detective Agency is still going strong, and the back has been transformed in Miss Claire's Bakery and Filet Mignon Emporium. For more information on the lives of Detective McFearson and Miss Claire, look for the Special Edition Collectors Disc of Thank You Mr. Postman. This disc will contain special commentaries by the directors, bloopers, an alternate ending., and even a bonus episode…Contact the Alaska Teen Media Institute at www.alaskateenmedia.org to order your copy soon. As for me, I'm just a humble spinner of yarns…until next time…Thank you Mr. Postman. Thank You Mr. Postman