by Sara Perman
The other night as I was bustling around the house doing everyday activities, settling in with a cup of hot chocolate and a magazine, I heard my mom calling me from the next room. I knew the instant I heard my name that something was up. Her tone sounded serious.
“Sara, will you come here please,” she said.
My stomach dropped, I thought I was about to be reprimanded for something I had done wrong. Well, as much as it turned out not to be about me doing something wrong, it still felt like punishment.
“Sara, I'd like to talk to you about sex.”
The conversation began slowly and awkwardly as my mom asked if I knew what sex is. And, just to be sure I knew, she answered her own question, in detail. Inside I was screaming with agony and pleading for her to discontinue the conversation, but I sat quietly, listening. She went on to mention the dangers of pregnancy, STDs and the emotional pain of being hurt in a relationship.
It must be hard for parents to talk to their kids about sex. And we teens aren't necessarily jumping up and down begging for “the talk.”
A Kaiser Family Foundation study showed that out of high school students, only 38 percent said they were comfortable with talking to their parents about sex.
Senior Tara Devlin from Steller says that sex definitely isn't her favorite subject.
“My mom is a midwife so she came home and told the stories of 17 years old having babies and 14 year olds having Chlamydia. So, I got the kind of scare stories form my parents. I mean my parents have always been saying I can talk to them, that they are here for me. But still, I don't think I'll tell my parents any sexual relations that I have until I am much older. So even though they say they are open, I don't think that parents know how hard it is to talk about that,” she said.
It seems to some teens that parents feel the necessity for the “talk” because they aren't aware that teens are being exposed to so much information about sex everyday. Stephanie Goddard, a sophomore at West High thinks that sexual content is all around.
Where do you not learn about sex? I mean seriously, everyday in school you have sexual innuendos, you watch movies, anyplace is a place to learn about sex, there is no way you can keep it from people nowadays.
But even though sex is talked about in many places, it is still an uncomfortable subject for teens, especially when they are at home talking with their parents.
That is where it gets awkward because that is the one place that a teen does not want to hear about sex, and that's the one place they will go to any lengths to avoid the sex talk.
Another West high student, senior Becquer Medak Seguin said that it is important that parents talk to their kids about sex because it is an emotional subject. But he would be more likely to be found talking to his friends about it.
“With close and personal friends, with guys I mean. We supposedly think about sex all the time. Of course that's not true. Sometimes we just sit down and talk about it. “Hey, what do you think about sex? Are you going to do it? Are you going to not do it or what's up?” Guys have a crazy conversations that actually turn out to be beneficial to everyone in the group. I think it's more of a close friend relationship, that I have had personally with my close friends. Whenever you want to talk about sex you just talk about it and its just normal,” he said.
Teens also hear a lot about sex from the media. Becquer and Stephanie both agreed that TV and movies show sex as desirable.
“The media definitely pushes people to have sex. If you look at movies like American Pie, you have the studs being people who have a lot of sex so you have guys that want to emulate that everyday,” Stephanie said.
“Sex seems to be what some TV shows are revolved around. It's a big part of the plot, it's what kids see and it's what kids want to do because they aspire to do what those characters do and be like those characters. That definitely influences their decision at that point in time,” Becquer said.
Another report from the Kaiser Family Foundation found that there is a link between the sexual behaviors of teenagers, and the media they consume. The study showed that 80 percent of popular teen television shows contained sexual content. The same report claimed adolescents who watch television with high levels of sexual content are twice as likely to initiate sexual intercourse and other sexual activities.
If this study is accurate, then teens are gaining a large perspective about sex from the media, but they are also getting information from other sources.
In the Anchorage School District, students are taught sex education in 8th grade. Some students say that health class in middle school isn't enough. Tara Devlin thinks the goal to teach abstinence is ridiculous.
“Yeah I think abstinence is the biggest B.S. in the world. I mean abstinence is good, and it is the safest way but if your just saying abstinence that's how people get in trouble. Because they have no one to run to if they do make a mistake or whatever. If they just want to be sexually active, they may not know the safe ways to do it, because they're thinking they are just dong something wrong.
West High sophomore Morgan Haskins also thought that sex education didn't cover enough.
“I felt that we were getting a one-sided view of what sex was, and abstinence was being advocated to almost the extreme. I mean, I don't think teens were really getting the whole information. I think that if teens were given more information about protective sex, and making preparations before, that would have been more affective than saying “no sex at all.” I remember like the only step we were permitted to take safely was a “safe kiss” which was really like a peck on the cheek and I don't think that really resounded with many teens that had gone beyond that since like 6th grade,” she said.
Many students feel they don't have enough information about the issues that concern them most, like using adequate protection during sex. Stephanie Goddard worries about becoming sexually active without that information.
“Unless you know the danger, don't get into sex. It's not something you can readily throw yourself into, there's a huge risk for pregnancy and STDs,” she said.
Stephanie says that the dangers of sex can easily alter entire lives.
“Well I mean, obviously, at this point sex can ruin your life. If you had a baby right now, you'd have to drop out of school and it would ruin your life. It's definitely something that has to be handled with a lot of maturity and a lot of care, and if you can't handle that you shouldn't be having sex at all.”
For those who don't feel like they know enough about the dangers of sex there are other options and means of learning. Some people, who thought that schools weren't offering enough information to teens, created programs to teach more about the matter. Programs such as RARE-T or Reducing AIDS Risks Effectively in Teens do just that. RARE-T was started in 1987 with a purpose to educate teens about HIV, and AIDS, as well as communication skills, alcohol and drug use and their influences on sexual behavior, risk protection and developing healthy self esteem.
Its method is to let teens teach their peers about sex. A member of RARE-T from Dimond, Meena Ganesan says that the program is much more effective than sex Ed.
“Teens relate more with their peers. And if they teach them about sex and what not, they relate better and actually listen better than a regular sex Ed clasc…I really think that after teens hear other teens, their same age, talking about risks, they really listen and are really influenced by it.”
West high senior Becquer says teens may be influenced by their peers, but they really need the participation of their parents. He thinks sex education should be taught at home.
“Personally, I believe parents should do the teaching, because sex is such a touchy subject, and so personal that I don't think school should have very much if anything to do with sex. Because back in 6th grade, when we watched miracle life and all that intro to sex, I had a friend who's family didn't want her to watch the miracle of life…I think that's perfectly justified, because it's something more emotional that the parents need to pass on to their kids because it's within the family and also it's a big step in life and parents should have more to do with teaching that big step than school should,” Becquer said.
After our long conversation about sex, it's become easier for my mom and I to talk. Sex is a subject that has to be handled with care and concern by teens, parents, educators and roll models. It's an event that can be life changing.
With better education and closer bonds between parents and their teens, I think the risks and dangers that can come along with sex have a higher chance of being prevented, keeping more teens safe and healthy.
Let's talk about sex
