By Hellen Fleming
Prom night is an evening many teens look forward to for most of the year. Girls dress in their gowns, guys in rented tuxedos. The lights are dimmed, and decorations sparkle around the dance floor.
Relatively speaking, this scene hasn't changed much over the last few decades, with perhaps one significant exception. At a recent Bartlett High School prom four couples used the occasion to get engaged.
Talk of marriage has spread to high school hallways during passing period. Students carry bridal magazines along with their schoolbooks. Gossip topics include who's going out with whom, as well as which bridesmaid dress best accents one's eyes.
Bonnie Burt is a 17-year-old high school senior and is engaged to her boyfriend of less than a year. The wedding is set for next summer.
"There's never really a right time to do it. It's just if you're in love with a person and you want to take the next step, then that's the best way to go about it, I guess," Burt said. "I want to be 18. I want everyone to know that I am making this decision as an adult. I just figure once I turn 18, you don't need the parents' signature on the wedding certificate."
Burt says she chose this date so she can be a legal adult when she takes her vows.
According to the United States Department of Health and Human Services, 47 percent of women who married before the age of 18 saw their marriages dissolve within 10 years. That's compared to 19 percent of women who waited to marry until they were 23 years old or older.
Ed Anderson, a high school senior, said that just because you can sign your own marriage certificate doesn't mean you are old enough to make that decision.
"I think that they're teens. I think that word in itself says enough. They probably shouldn't get married since they're not adults," Anderson said.
Bonnie Burt said she is aware she and her future husband are up against negative odds. Even so, she remains confident in her decision.
"Every day somebody says, 'You're not going to last,' or 'How are you going to do this while you're going to school?' If you're really wanting the marriage to work, then you're going to work at it," Burt said. "There's going to be tough times. It's going to be a rough road, and you just have to figure out how you're going to drive over it."
Planning a wedding almost always takes much time, coordination and effort. Burt said planning her wedding while going to high school is a mix of stress and fun.
"It's totally fun. My wedding cake is going to be a bunch of cupcakes stacked up on each other. I have my bridesmaid in flip-flops walking down the aisles, and I have my duck being the ring bearer," she said. "I know I'm getting married at a young age, and I'm still fun. Let's make it a fun wedding."
The term "bride-itis" has recently been coined and added to the pop-culture lexicon. It refers to women being swept up in the glamour of their wedding itself, often delaying meaningful consideration of the reality of being married.
Burt said she has not thought much about what being married means.
"I knew I was going to get married, but when you really love that person, you just do what comes natural," she said, "and that's what comes natural."
Some young adults consider the covenant of marriage and the ceremony declaring it to be a serious rather than fun affair.
"If I'm going to enter myself into something that has been so sacred and so important for thousands and thousands of years, it's going to be something serious to me," high school senior Amy Miller said. "It's a beautiful thing. It really, really can be."
Opinions on marrying young vary among other teens. Some teens, such as high school senior Nikesha Moss, seem more pessimistic about young couples tying the knot. She said her attitude comes from being friends with three of the four couples who were engaged at a recent prom.
" One (couple) is still together, but they're not together--they're at separate colleges," Moss said. "I know one (couple) had a baby and they're divorced. They hate each other, and they can't settle over who gets the baby ever. I just don't think that it's the wise thing to do."
According to statistics published by the National Center for Law and Social Policy, the median marrying age for both women and men never dropped below age 20 during the last century. Whether trends are changing remains to be seen. But at some high schools the number of teens considering marriage appears to be on the rise
So why are some teens planning marriages now?
Miller said it might stem from wanting attention in school. She said she and her boyfriend have been in a serious relationship for two years, yet they are in no rush to get married.
"If it is real love then it can wait and let each person develop individually and grow to become who they're going to be," Miller said. "I think there's always time to wait."
In the meantime, Burt has a wedding to plan. She said she is receiving help and support from friends, but her parents are another story.
Burt thought that because her mother married young and she sees how successful her parents' marriage is, she can do it, too.
Most teens are aware of their parents' attitudes about teen marriage. Burt said she is willing to take that chance and fight the odds.
Burt's wedding is set for August.
Teen marriage
